I ran across this years ago and loved it. Your Horoscope . . . a second opinion
Your Horoscope
Aquarius–> Jan. 20-Feb 18 You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you’re a fucking jerk.
Pisces–>Feb.19-Mar. 20 You are a pioneer type and think most people are dick-heads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.
Aries–>Mar. 21-Apr.19 You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI and CIA. You have minor influence on you friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack self confidence and are a general dip-shit.
Taurus–>Apr. 20-May 20 You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you’re stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.
Gemini–>May 21-June 20 You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini’s are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer–>June 22-July 22 You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer
Leo–>July 23-Aug.22 You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leo’s are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving mother-fuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.
Virgo–>Aug, 23-Sept. 22 You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold, unemotional, and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgo’s make good bus drivers and pimps.
Libra–>Sept.23-Oct. 21 You are the artistic type and have difficult time dealing with reality. If you are male, you are queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libra’s die of venereal disease.
Scorpio–>Oct.24-Nov.21 The worst of the lot. You are a shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius–>Nov.22-Dec.21 You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent.. The majority of Sagitarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.
Capricorn–>Dec.22-Jan.19 You are conservative and afraid of risk. You are basically a chicken-shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.. You should kill yourself
I leave you with this:
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